Yeah, I said it. You thought it and I said it, so that makes me cooler than you. Kidding. But it really does.
The holidays can suck.
They can be stressful as FU.....DGE. (Holiday fudge, that is).
You run around like a chicken with your crazy ass head cut off, figuring out what to cook, what to wear, what to buy. You battle crowds of savage animals posing as human beings, in hopes of finding that perfect gift for the person who very likely is getting you a gift of equal or lesser value. So really, you just kinda end up breaking even. And if by chance, they get you something utterly bad-ass, you end up feeling like a pile of SHI.......SH kabob. (Hey, I hang out with a lot of Armenians, what can I say)?
If you have kids, the holidays are all fun and games, until one of them invariably gets sick, acts like a spoiled brat, has a meltdown at a holiday party, or all of the above.
Your Martha Stuart visions of decorating the house like the North Pole end up as a couple of Christmas cards (sent to you by other people and their perfect, functional, smiling families), a broken nutcracker, and a half eaten candy cane hung on the mantle with care.
The Christmas cookies you were definitely going to make with your children (while listening to Christmas music, giggling, and that would ultimately end in the cutest flour fight EVER), in reality ends up being a bag full of cookie making supplies that sit on the table until February, with random begging sessions from your kids entitled: PLEASSSSEEE can we make the cookies now?? So you promise yourself you will make them into Valentine's day cookies. Who are we kidding? Easter, I mean 4th of July cookies.
You miss people. The ones who aren't around because they moved, or because they left, they went crazy, or they went and died on you. You miss the SH...SH... Oh fuck it. You miss the SHIT out of them. You wish they were there so many times, at so many moments, that you can taste it. You feel sorry for yourself that there are things, holiday things that you will never get to share with them again. You think of every happy, grand Christmas memory that you had together and you feel sad.
Say whaaat?
You think of happy memories and feel sad??
Weirdo.
And if you haven't yet guessed, by YOU, who I really mean is ME. The holidays roll around and I experience all of these things. I hustle and bustle and my blood pressure surely skyrockets over gifts and getting places on time, and all things holiday. I formulate all of these grand, festive plans where everything falls into place the way it is supposed to, and the night ends with all of our arms around each other singing drunken Christmas carols. (In those same fantasies I wake up without a trace of a hangover, singing like Mary Poppins). But anyways.
All of this holiday crap can really turn someone into a Grinch-ass Grinch. Know what I'm sayin?
But heres the thing.
I REJECT being a Grinch-ass Grinch!
You will never hear me say bah, humbug! (Mostly because its cheesy and played out, but also because I WON'T BE A GRINCH!) I will continue every year to try really really really hard to pre-plan my gift-giving and not wait until the last minute. Ok, that won't happen. I'm a procrastinator 4 life. So, better yet, I will try harder and harder every year to not get caught up in the consume, consume, consume! mentality. I will embrace my children and all of their merry little flaws, just as I try to do all the rest of the days of the year. I will continue to remind myself that as much as I would love to, I can not control them and make them behave like sugar and spice and everything nice. I can only guide them in the right direction towards holiday cheer, and hope for the best. I will remember that decorating a house is far less important than building a home full of love and caring and hope. I will buy pre-made Christmas cookies from the store until my kids are old enough to work the oven by themselves. I will remember everyone I have lost along the way. Yes, I will continue to miss the SH...ORTS off of them! Yes, it will ache that they are not there in the flesh. Yes. It will probably always be bittersweet. But do you wanna take a guess at which part I will dwell on? You guessed it: The sweet. I will let all of those holiday memories of the past fill me with so much joy. I will reminisce and tell stories, pass them on to my children. I will continue traditions we shared, and create new ones of my own. I will feel gratitude for the time that we shared, and I will honor them for getting me where I am: Right here. Right now. Where I am supposed to be.
I reject the Grinch mentality. Because if I adopt it during this, the most magical time of year, I am sure to continue on and let it infiltrate the rest of my life. And that ain't happening.
The holidays can suck. But they don't have to.
