Guilt

If you are anything like me (which I'm going to go out on a limb and say you are, seeing as we are equal parts human. Hopefully. Because that would be terrifying for me to discover you were some kind of hybrid something. I don't care what you were mixed with. It would really frighten me). If you are anything like me, you feel a shitload of guilt. About a shitload of things.
 I've decided that this is a shared trait among us humans based on countless hours of research and extensive interviews delving into the issue of guilt. Kidding. Its really more just something I assume. Yeah, yeah I know. When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me, and all kinds of crap. My dad was a big fan of repeatedly reminding me of that handy expression. So, I'm obviously accustomed to making an ass out of myself. Which is why I will say with tentative certainty that I'm pretty sure that most of us are all too familiar with feeling guilty about all sorts of shit. Doesn't matter how big the shit is or how small (must.resist.gross.humor.now.) if there is a potential to feel guilty about it, chances are I've already felt it, analyzed why I'm feeling it, tried not to feel it, analyzed how it feels trying not to feel it, and either accepted that I'm just gonna feel it, or told it to fuck off and leave me alone. This is a lot for one poor gal to handle, don't you agree? Don't you feel bad for me? Well, don't, dummy. Its already been established that I feel bad enough for us both.
But why? Whyyyyyyyyyy???? ( If you just envisioned me on my knees with my hands raised to the heavens, beseeching the lord with the most dramatic and whiney voice I could muster from my soul...Then you, my friend have one spot-on imagination).
Really though. Why?
Why do I feel these gulity-ass feelings on a such a daily basis? How is it that such an eclectic array of things have the power to evoke such a strong, shitty-feeling emotion in me? The craziest part? A lot of it is stuff I'm not even responsible for, things I didn't do, but rather things that are just who I am or the cards that were thrown my way. Right? I know. This is some heavy shit.
In the spirit of clarity (because lets face it, this cloudy ole world needs more damn clarity!) I have comprised a list of just a few of the things that leave me guilt-ridden, crying silent tears in a corner alone somewhere. Ok not really. I don't have time to just kick it in a corner somewhere, are you serious? And if I did, I definitely wouldn't be alone. I'm sure I'd have at least one kid with me. Nonetheless I made a list and here it is:

*When I go out somewhere without my children, and I see other people who have their children with them, I feel simultaneously guilty for leaving my children at home and bad for the parent who isn't getting alone time like I am. Unless I'm at the grocery store. At the grocery store I walk through the isles yelling, "SUCKAAA!!!" in their faces.

*When I am late, I feel guilty. Late to appointments, late to birthday parties, late to get a joke. If I'm late, I'm feeling guilty. Unless its my period, then I'm feeling hysteria.

*Right now I'm feeling guilty for making you feel uncomfortable when I mentioned my period.

* I feel guilty for not excercisng enough. And by enough I mean ever.

*Sometimes when I take too long in the shower, I feel guilty. Couldn't I just skip shaving my legs? Again. Whats another day at this point? Just another drop in the bucket, that's what.

*I feel guilty when I snap at my kids for small, stupid things. Even if those things are extremely irritating and DUDE! I've told them a million times... I still feel guilty.

*Right now I am feeling guilty for spending my time writing this. Shouldn't I be doing dishes or cleaning up barf or feeding someone or something?

*I feel guilty for living in the house I live in because so many others don't even have homes. I feel guilty about the food I eat because so many others don't have food. I feel guilty about the clean, running water I have because some people in the world have to walk miles (fuckin miles!) just to get that basic human necessity. Not to mention all of the people who die every day from contaminated water. I feel guilty for outliving so many and guilty that I will one day die and leave my children. I feel guilty for being white and the privilege that goes along with it (yeah yeah, white guilt). I feel guilty about having it better than anyone else because who am I to have it better than anyone else??

* I feel guilty when I feel guilty. Now would be the time to silently mouth the words "What. The. Fuck?" That's what I'm doing at least.

I could really go on forever, but then I would feel guilty about leaving all those dishes in the sink, and about taking more of your time.

Stop it, Venus.

Love Is

Love is
Not a battlefield
nor a war.
Love repairs
restores
renews.
Love does not hurt.
It is what heals all the jagged wounds
leaving behind its
beautiful scars.
Reminding you of its
Power.
Love does not stink
it does not suck
it does not bite.
Love soothes
it holds
it caresses.
Love does not
knock down.
It builds
up.
Love does not
vanish
or
disappear.
It remains.
Despite your best intentions
it remains.
Love gives.
It does not take.
Love does not hit you
does not sneak up
does not come
un-welcomed.
It just
is.
Love just
is.